Expectation vs Reality in the Postpartum Period

As people living in a hyper connected world, we are constantly bombarded by the "highlight  reels” of others. In particular, there is an emphasis on social media of what appears to be the picture perfect pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience. This constant display of “perfection” during these vulnerable periods can lead to unreasonable expectations and ultimately to disappointment, shame, anxiety and potentially the onset of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs). Let’s examine some common expectations in the postpartum period versus the reality-based perspectives. 

Expectation: Breastfeeding is natural and instinctual, so it will be easy. 

Reality: Breastfeeding can be guided by both parental and newborn instincts as well as  hormone levels immediately postpartum. However, a successful and long-term breastfeeding  relationship requires knowledge and skills that can be learned both prenatally and in the  immediate postpartum period. Aspects of breastfeeding such as latch, positioning, infant  feeding cues, and signs of milk transfer are vital in ensuring a healthy and long term feeding  dyad. Birthly’s Breastfeeding 101 is a great way to familiarize yourself with the basics of breastfeeding and prepare for a good start.

Expectation: Maternity leave will be like an extended vacation from work. 

Reality: Maternity leave will be more like a recovery period rather than a vacation. The  postpartum body will be working hard to recover from the exhaustion of pregnancy and birth,  while also adjusting to the around the clock care of a newborn. In addition to the energy  spent journeying through the labor marathon, the maternal body may also be healing from  perineal trauma or surgical birth. 

Expectation: Being home means the household duties are solely my responsibility. 

Reality: During the first 6-8 weeks postpartum, the most important things a new parent can do  are rest and recover from birth and care and feed the baby. While simply stated, these tasks will take a lot of patience and energy in the first few weeks. Other tasks like meals, dishes, laundry and household upkeep will need to be delegated to others or take a back seat during the initial weeks of new parenthood.  

Expectation: I am going to get back into a fitness routine right away. 

Reality: The postpartum body will be limited in physical activity for the first several weeks after  birth. Medical professionals recommend not lifting anything heavier than a baby in the first two  weeks following birth and avoiding any strenuous exercise until at least 6 weeks after birth.  Every postpartum body will heal uniquely depending on the individual birth journey, however, there are healing wounds that aren’t seen on the outside. For about 6 weeks following birth, the uterus will have a dinner plate-sized wound inside where the placenta was attached. This wound will be the source of the postpartum bleeding called lochia. It is vital to consider all aspects of the postpartum healing experience, both inside and out. 

Expectation: I love my baby so I won’t need to worry about postpartum depression. 

Reality: Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) can happen to anyone, regardless of  love, support and demographics. The postpartum body is going to be experiencing extreme  hormone shifts particularly in the first 2 weeks, which is often when Baby Blues can be  experienced. It is important to note that Baby Blues can also be experienced by the non-birthing parent as welcoming a newborn can decrease the production of testosterone and increase the production of estrogen in the non-birthing partner. Other conditions on the PMADs spectrum, including anxiety and depression, can occur anytime within the first year of childbirth and necessitate a care and support plan to ensure a continued healthy mental state.

Discussing the expectations versus realities with your partner can work to normalize a variety of postpartum experiences. All things considered, it is important to modulate your  expectations in the postpartum period and to nurture your physical healing, and your mental and emotional well-being.